am I latina enough?
happy hispanic heritage month mi gente latino!
YARETSYY
The answer is a resounding yes.
Judging by the title, you might expect a long list of deep, reflective questions about my upbringing and my latinidad, but I’m sorry to say this isn’t that. I just can’t resist a click-baity title—especially one that reflects how I am chronically online and well-versed in internet lingo.
Personally, I do not feel comfortable opening up a dialogue around one's roots and upbringing. Race and ethnicity are complex topics that I believe deserve so much nuance, and I will not assume that responsibility by expressing strong opinions on them.
Now that we’re clear on my thoughts (or lack thereof), I want to talk about Hispanic Heritage Month. As I’ve openly said before, I am very comfy in the state of a spiral. It’s actually a common form for me. This month, dedicated to the celebration and recognition of various cultures, has been a wee bit triggering for me—presumably because of my desire to be seen.
Last year, I went through so much trouble to be featured as a Latinx business owner in a small publication. After the feature came out, I felt kind of embarrassed by my efforts. Why had I put myself through so much for a small blurb on what I do and who I am? I know who I am, and I believe those who are meant to see me as I am, do so.
I have to wonder, what is it about this month specifically that brings out so many weird feelings for me? I tend to feel entitled to recognition from everyone for all the work I do as a Latinx woman. Is that why I do what I do? Absolutely not, and I know that in my heart—but I would be lying if I said I don’t feel jealous of those who are being recognized. I scroll online and compare myself to complete strangers, even if the work they do is extremely different from the work I do.
I don’t want to be reduced to my Dominican/Puerto Rican heritage, but I have alchemized it to create a life that’s full of celebration and homage to those parts of me. I celebrate my latinidad every day by existing proudly and openly as a Latinx woman. That should be enough—but some days (especially during September and October), it’s not.
