A Love Letter to Women, part II
JESSICA MADAVO
So much of what we know about love and relationships is nonsense, and we must unlearn that nonsense. First things first: check in with yourself. Ask the hard questions,
Is the person in your life taking over your life?
Is your identity somehow wrapped up in this other person?
Is your mood dependent on what they're doing, who they're talking to, or how they're showing up?
If the answer is yes to any of these, then it is not healthy.
Love is not a project you can work for; it comes when it comes.
The truth is, old-school advice about your partner having to love you more than you love them is misleading. Love is complex, but nobody talks about loneliness, emptiness, or the unfulfillment that can come from giving more than you receive. It is about both partners getting equal love; no one deserves less.
Here's a gentle reminder: if someone is only texting you endlessly without showing up, it is not a relationship; it is a placeholder. If the person you are dating or talking to is not actively making a plan to see you, move on. There is always someone who will show up; you have to be open to love. Do not give all your 20s or 30s to one person if they are not showing progress towards the future you want. You cannot wait for someone to change, choose you, or get their life together. I've been there, many women have, and some of us spend years waiting for someone else to be ready. What we learn is that either someone shows up for you, or they don't. Either they are in a space to receive love, or they're not. Don't waste your life energy waiting for someone else to become the person you need. When you first meet someone, ask yourself: Are they available? Are they showing up for me? Do they have the capacity to give me what I want and need?
If someone is unavailable or self-sabotaging, remove yourself. It's doubtful that a five-year on-and-off situationship is suddenly going to stabilize and become everything you're looking for. Please remember this about your feelings: they do not have to make sense. You can feel love for someone and anger at the same time. You can feel hurt, joy, sadness, and confusion all in one breath. Do not judge your emotions or fight them. Let them move through you. Your feelings should be seen, not suppressed, and no one should ever use your feelings as evidence against your worth or your future. Understanding our worth is why we must look closely at our relationships, especially our sexual relationships.
You do not owe your body to someone just because they want it.
You do not have to say yes to sex simply because someone is there, they are your partner, you feel affection toward them, or because you fear disappointing them. Your desire matters, your comfort matters, your boundaries matter, and your body is yours first, always. You are allowed to say no and should say no more often than you do. Sex is not a reward for good behavior. Sex is not a chore.
Sex is not something you give to keep the peace. Detach your sense of worth from how desired you are. Detach your sense of intimacy from how accommodating you are. Desire should be mutual, not managed. If you do not feel enthusiasm, pause. If your body feels hesitant, listen. Your body always tells the truth before you do. Stop accepting bad sex like it is a regular part of being a woman. Stop faking orgasms for ego comfort. Stop acting like your pleasure is secondary, optional, or an add-on. If you do not speak up, your person will not understand you. If you have not told your person they are doing something wrong, they will believe they are doing everything right.
Learn your body and explore it. Understand what you like, how you want it, what touches make you feel alive, and what touches feel mechanical. Learn to guide and to take the wheel sometimes. There is nothing shameful about being an active participant in your own pleasure. The journey matters. The build-up matters. The foreplay, the tension, the affection, the breath before the touch. The orgasm is not the only destination. There is pleasure in the moments before pleasure.
Learning this changed everything for me. Sex became less of an act and more of a connection. Less pressure. More presence. Less performance. More truth. If you are going to be naked, be honest. The same thing applies beyond intimacy.
The world will tell you to "find yourself" through your work, but do not believe them.
Your career is not who you are. It is something you do, not something you are. The world asks, "What do you do?" before it ever asks, "Who are you?" They will measure your worth in titles, income, job roles, timelines, and promotions. If you are not careful, you will begin to measure yourself the same way. You will start believing that your value is what your job description says, rather than your character, your mind, your depth, your presence, your humanity.
You are allowed to be more than your profession. You are allowed to be good at your job and to have a life that your job does not consume. You can care deeply about your career without surrendering your whole identity to it. I know this because I've experienced it. I am an HR specialist, that's the work that pays the bills, that keeps the lights on, that builds stability. I am also a feminist writer. I write about the things that move me, haunt me, and anger me. I write about the things I can't say in boardrooms or Zoom calls.
For a long time, I thought I had to choose between the two, between being professional and being passionate, between being the woman who leads teams and the woman who tears systems apart with words. What I learned is that duality isn't hypocrisy, it's wholeness. You can live in two worlds at once. You can hold your career with both hands and still refuse to let it define your soul. Your work is one part of your life, not the meaning of your life.
Life is not linear, and neither should your ambitions be. Explore. Experiment. Push boundaries. The world benefits when women refuse to be one-dimensional. Every skill you gain, every field you explore, makes you more self-reliant, more interesting, and more powerful. Don't limit yourself to what seems "acceptable" or "logical" to others. Your curiosity, ambition, and versatility are your greatest assets.
And here's the most important part: do all this without giving up on yourself. Being an HR specialist does not make you less of a feminist writer. Being a boardroom leader does not erase your passions. Being a woman in a professional space does not mean you have to shrink. Duality is your gift. Your job can be one layer of your life, but it will never replace the depth, creativity, and soul you bring to the world. You can show up fully in your career without letting it contain you.
You can excel without losing yourself. And that is the secret the world rarely tells young women. Be a tryer! I'm a tryer, and I love trying new things! For the longest time, I felt bad that I didn't have a single hobby or interest I was "all in" on. But now I realize that loving a little of everything brings interest, texture, and depth to life. Duality has been my theme for 2025, and my world is infinitely bigger than it was before.
A multifaceted woman is both kind and honest, courageous and trusting, polite and direct, engaging and intrigued.
She is not a one-size-fits-all or a caricature; she's a woman who deeply understands and knows herself. She understands that life is not about fitting into boxes, being "perfect," or staying consistent with a single identity. It's about embracing all the layers of who you are, the contradictory, messy, beautiful, unconventional, brilliant, stubborn, tired, dull, and radiant parts of yourself.
It's so important for women like you to exist in all your complexity. Be the woman who is both grounded and restless, disciplined and wildly creative, serious and playful. Be the woman who refuses to be simplified. Being multifaceted is not a flaw; it's a superpower. There will be moments when you feel split in two, between the woman you are and the one you're becoming. Between wanting to rest and wanting to rise. Between tenderness and fury. Between needing to be held and needing to be left alone, that tension is womanhood, and it is essential not to rush to resolve it but to learn to live inside it.
The world will still try to bring you down. It will make you emotional when you're honest, difficult when you're direct, and ungrateful when you demand more. It will teach you that your body is a battlefield, your ambition is arrogant, and your joy is indulgent. You are not a problem. The world's discomfort with women who know themselves is not your responsibility to soothe.
